One dung Beetle
I chose this story because in its marketing blurb there is talk of space pirates, and there are also some vague statements which, to me, implied the heroine might have a past as a secret agent. There was absolutely nothing to warn me that I would soon be reading about genitalia. There weren’t even any euphemisms such as “romance” or “love” to give me warning. Sure, there’s a girl on the cover of the book, who might be wearing a sports bra, but she’s holding an assault rifle in front of herself, and there’s an explosion in the background, so I figured this was just to appeal to teenage boys.
In the first chapter of the story, the heroine ogles a male character in the spaceship’s locker room. I’m a dude, and I don’t think I would enjoy reading about a male character ogling a woman in a locker room; I definitely didn’t enjoy it the other way around. Where are my space pirates? I’m reading about the hydraulic states of a man’s reproductive organ.
In chapter two, there’s an actual sex scene. Now I’m reading mostly about male body parts, with a few female body parts thrown in. Still no space pirates. By the end of chapter two, all I’ve learned is that one male crew member has a large anatomical part. As any good space marine would do, I clutch my plasma rifle to my chest and scream “I didn’t sign up for this, man!”
At this point, I just quit reading the story. Is it wrong of me to write a review of something I didn’t finish reading? Possibly. Is it wrong for an author to advertise a space pirate story, and then fill it with penis descriptions? Absolutely.